I love it when God shows me something true that seems to be a conflict. Like the strength we gain by being gentle. The attributes of strength and gentleness seem to be in stark contrast to one another, and yet, through the Holy Spirit, we can learn the beauty of how the fruit of gentleness will actually result in strength.
When our daughter Hannah was a newborn, I remember some of the most tender and touching moments as I watched the various cowboys in my life gently holding her in their arms for the first time. Those strong, calloused, and work-worn hands of my husband, father, father-in-law, and brothers. Hands that were accustomed to the grit and grime of ranch work, now tenderly holding my child as if she were the most fragile and precious thing in the world.
It reminds me of the quote by horse trainer Monty Roberts, “The greatest strength a man can achieve is gentleness.” To me this is the epitome of what gentleness looks like: seeing a man of physical strength intentionally choosing to be gentle when he is accustomed to being strong.
Life tends to make us stronger and grittier as we grow older. We begin to develop a toughness as we endure the trials and rough circumstances in life. Just like the calluses on a cowboy’s hands, we can build up calluses in our spirits and hearts to protect ourselves from hurts and disappointments. But this protective hard shell often keeps us from being gentle.
Gentleness is a strong hand with a light touch.
The small hand of a child doesn’t have to practice gentleness because they are naturally gentle at that phase of life. When my young niece grabs hold of my son’s hand she doesn’t have to concentrate on not squeezing too hard, but my 12-year-old boy does have to be mindful about not crushing her little hand in his increasingly stronger one.
Gentleness can be a strong hand with a light touch.
Gentleness is the quality of being kind and tender.
It’s a softness of action.
It’s the practice of choosing to be mild-mannered instead of hot-tempered.
Gentleness requires thoughtfully responding to people and situations around us instead of harshly reacting to them.
Gentleness is necessary to preserve relationships because it helps diminish friction with others and guides us in knowing how to treat strangers, family, and friends.
Sometimes I don’t know the extent of my own harshness and have to guard against rough behavior that tends to crush spirits and hurt hearts. God is continually showing me that when I let the Holy Spirit work His fruit into my life I can intentionally choose a softer, more gentle attitude.
How do we choose softness when our natural inclination is to harden our hearts and become bristly in order to protect ourselves from harsh treatment from prickly personalities and people we disagree with?
Biblical gentleness is not weakness.
I believe the first key to growing in gentleness is understanding what biblical gentleness is versus the definition the world gives. It shouldn’t be seen as a weakness to be gentle, but rather as a strength.
Another word used in exchange for gentleness in some translations of the Bible is “meekness.” Dictionary.com describes meekness as “docile, overly compliant, spiritless, yielding or tame.” Merriam-Webster defines meekness as “mild, deficient in courage, submissive and weak.”
These definitions sure don’t make the attribute of gentleness or meekness look very attractive. On the contrary, the world sees it as a negative and fragile attribute to avoid, not one we should be striving to build in our lives.
However, the Bible has an entirely different perspective. Per Strong’s Concordance, meekness is from the Greek word, “praotēs” the meaning of which is “gentleness, by implication humility.”
It’s a form of humility, the absence of selfishness and pride. It points to less of a concern for self and more of a concern for others.
Meekness can describe those who choose to serve others over themselves. It’s found in those who want to listen more than to be heard.
It’s a disciplined calmness instead of the natural instinct we have for pride, anger, and vengeance.
Meekness is not weakness! It’s what spurs us on to take care of the weak and vulnerable. It actually requires a great deal of strength and self-control to respond in humility and meekness. We can’t be gentle with others as long as we see ourselves as better than they are.
The characteristic of meekness that the Holy Spirit works into our lives helps us contain and use our strength in a godly and Kingdom-building way. Meekness doesn’t make us weak; it infuses us with great power – the power of the Holy Spirit.
Meekness is the willingness to be taught, to listen, and not always talk; it isn’t having a superior attitude or demanding our own way, but it also isn’t timidity or passiveness. Being meek doesn’t translate into being walked on or controlled. True biblical meekness and gentleness is intentionally choosing to control our tempers and passions and responding in humility and tenderness. It’s seeing others in the light of Jesus and not through the lens of how they treat us.
Our natural bent and instinct is for self-preservation and protection. Gentleness, meekness, and humility all go hand in hand, and sometimes we see these character qualities as hindering us from safeguarding our lives. Unfortunately, we live in an aggressive and self-centered society that makes choosing gentleness a handicap.
Sometimes we don’t choose gentleness with others when we feel that our rights and desires become threatened. So we become like the playground bully, playing rough to get our own way.
Because we believe the lie that we are the ones who should be preserving and protecting our own lives by our strength and abilities instead of trusting in God to be our refuge, defender, and stronghold.
A gentle heart comes from knowing the love of the Spirit and having love for others no matter how they treat us. This is shown in our thoughts and in the way we interact with those around us.
I’m not saying there isn’t a time and a place to defend our rights, to fight for what is right, and take on the armor of God as we join the battle between good and evil; I’m saying that sometimes our greatest weapon is the weapon of gentleness.
I appreciate the way that William Barclay understands the meekness that God desires in our lives, “Meekness is the quality of the man who is always angry at the right time and never at the wrong time.”
When we seek wisdom from God, He shows us how to respond in gentleness and when to respond in anger. In humility, we can choose to let His Spirit guide us in dealing with the wrongs we see in the world. Those times become Kingdom-building opportunities to show Jesus to the hurt and lost.
We can choose gentleness because this is how God is with us.
I believe it is so important to acknowledge how God is gentle with us. He is the Creator of the universe, mighty in all that He does, all-powerful and sovereign, holy and righteous. Yet, He is still gentle and loving toward us despite our sinful nature and all the ways we have rejected and disobeyed Him.
There are so many instances in the Bible where we see the gentleness of God’s character:
Isaiah 40:10-11 beautifully describes the gentleness within strength that God has for His followers, “Behold, the Lord God shall come with a strong hand, and His arm shall rule for Him; behold, His reward is with Him, and His work before Him. He will feed his flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, and carry them in His bosom, and gently lead those who are with young.”
God tenderly carries, feeds, and protects His flock, with the same strong hand that He uses in judgment. A shepherd carries a rod and a staff and knows when and how to use them to direct and protect his flock, but he also knows how to gently carry the weak and vulnerable in his arms. This is a picture of God’s gentleness given to us.
And He desires for us to extend that same gentleness to others.
When we have a hard, harsh attitude towards others, God isn’t able to use us in His Kingdom-building work. But the spirit of a gentle and meek servant He can use time and again for His glory.
Greatness in the world isn’t generally seen through gentleness, humility, and meekness, yet it is in God’s Kingdom! “And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth.” 2 Timothy 2:24-26.
Because of the fruit the Spirit gives us, we are able to pursue those things of God which glorify Him, serve others, and grow us in our faith. There are many things in this world that will try to get our attention and distract us from the things that God wants us to grab hold of, 1 Timothy 6:11-12 talks about the better things of God that we should be pursuing, ”But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness.“
Allowing the Holy Spirit to work gentleness into our spirits means that we are able to live lives defined by His character and not our fleshly habits of harsh attitudes and rough behavior. A true follower of Christ will have a recognizable spirit of gentleness that draws others to God.
I don’t think of gentleness or meekness as being fragile or weak at all, I think they are incredibly powerful tools in lives lived for Jesus. There truly is strength in being gentle.
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